did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
