Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
