sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
