i jhust puked up my retainher.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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