remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
