in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
