everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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