Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
