Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
