FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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