Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
