So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
