Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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