also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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