My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pants are for mortals
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
