May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
