Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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