hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
