I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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