We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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