I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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