She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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