its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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