discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
