how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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