Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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