it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
