i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
