its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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