are you still at the devil's house?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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