What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
