Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Barsexuality is the new black.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
