Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
