all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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