Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
