I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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