I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
