Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
