what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
