I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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