Don't make out with my wife yet
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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