I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
