um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
