I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
