So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
