3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
