i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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