I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
