I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
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I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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