Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
