I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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