what day is it and did you see me today?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
