forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Semen is not good for contacts.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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