Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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