The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
