Jerry, you need to find god
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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