My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
