Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This house was built for laser tag.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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