OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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