he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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