I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
