he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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