I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
