Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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