I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
