Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your cock deserves a montage
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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