Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
