I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
