Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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