so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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